We’re Both Scared

Finally we have a program set up for our daughter when she turns 22 and ages out of the public school system. This part of our journey has been hard and frustrating. Oftentimes I felt as if I was drowning in an unknown sea. Every time we would come up with a plan a wave would come crashing over us and knock us down. Every time we thought we found the right program that met our daughter’s needs we were denied by the state because there was not enough funding to cover the cost. Finally after many months of grabbing my phone every time I heard a whoosh I got the email saying a program was approved.

Now what? Now comes the scary part. The papers have been signed and the plan is in place. Now the reality sets in. In 81 days my daughter’s life is going to be totally disrupted. She will no longer be a public school student on an IEP. She will no longer be picked up every morning and taken to the place she loves. Instead, she will become an adult in a day hab program.

She’s scared and I’m scared too. She’s scared because this is unfamiliar to her. All that is predictable and familiar is going away. Her comfort zone is about to be taken away. She is expected to be brave and do one of the hardest things she has ever done.

And me, I’m petrified. My biggest fear is that she’ll run. My daughter is not a runner but she has occasionally bolted when she was really scared. I can count the times she’s done it on one hand but that doesn’t make it less frightening. What if she does it now? What if she does it as an adult in an adult program? It’s a thought that never leaves me.

Our journey has been filled with many rough times along the way. Perhaps it’s just because it’s in the moment but this process of transitioning into adult services seems worse. Change is not easy and as difficult as this is going to be I know we will get through it. As scared as we are we will continue to keep moving forward on this journey one day at a time.

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