What If Covid Never Happened

One of my favorite posts is “What If” published in Jan. 2019. There have been so many times during this journey that I have silently thought to myself what if. Once again today I find myself asking the same question.

Kelsey turned 22 in May of 2020. We had started planning her transition into adult services a year in advance. We had painstakingly planned every detail we could think of in order to make her transition less stressful. Never could we have ever imagined all of our carefully thought out plans would be destroyed by a global pandemic.

Covid 19 forever changed our journey. Kelsey has not physically stepped foot into a program in nearly two years. Most of our children were forced to spend a few months at home but have since been a long time back in their classrooms. The transition back into day programs for our post 22 children however has not been as easy. So many of our children still remain at home waiting for spaces in these programs to open.

I wonder to myself what if Covid never happened. What if she transitioned as we planned and her journey had never been abruptly stopped. What if she had been able to continue down the path we so carefully chose for her. What if she would have been happier.

Some what if’s I’ll never know the answers to, but some I’m sure about. What if Covid never happened and we didn’t get to spend some extra time snuggling on the couch every morning. What if Covid never happened and we didn’t get to spend lunch together every day with endless conversations talking about all the things she cares so deeply about. What if Covid never happened and we didn’t realize just how deeply she is connected to her home, her family, and her support circle.

Kelsey has been stopped at a roadblock for a very long time. The beginning was very hard. It’s not easy for any of us to be abruptly cut off from a familiar routine that we do every day. Over time though she has settled into a new routine at home, a routine that she now finds very predictable and comforting.

So here we are almost two years later. Two years after a transition that never happened, two years after a pandemic that rocked our world. Two years later we have finally found a new program for Kelsey, a new direction to take, a new road to follow. After being home for so long, the transition is going to be brutal. This is going to be one of the hardest roadblocks we have had to make our way around. I have to keep taking deep breath’s however and ask myself what if this was meant to be and what if this new journey is going to be amazing.