Our journey has been filled with many detours. Just as it seems the road is clear and you’re moving along an unexpected detour pops up right in front of you. We have faced many detours along the way and no matter how hard they were to navigate we always made it through.
This new detour; the breast cancer detour, has been a hard one. Originally I was going to say the hardest but thinking back it really isn’t. The hardest was the detour that took us down the road of seizures. My daughter was 11 months old when the first one occurred. At the time I honestly thought my baby girl had died in my arms. It was a day I’ll never forget. Many more seizures were to follow in the months and years ahead but no matter how bad they were we kept moving ahead and made it through each one.
My current battle with breast cancer has been an especially difficult detour for my daughter. Routines and days that were once predictable are no longer. Instead there are doctors appointments, infusions, and many nights when Mom goes to bed too early.
At first there was the diagnosis and finding the right words to explain it. Then there was the surgery and the fear of the unknown. Next came the chemo and the loss of my hair. When I first told her that I was going to have to take medicine that was going to make my hair fall out she screamed in my face and said she couldn’t touch me or come near me. We left it like that. A few days later I told her I was going to the hairdresser to get a new haircut. I came home with a shaved head and a wig. She never knew. The wig however was becoming very uncomfortable to wear until I was able to take it off when she went to bed. Gradually I started wearing beanies over the wig. Then one day I finally told her my hair had fallen out and I was wearing a wig. She accepted the truth and I am now free to wear the beanie hats at home. She refuses however to see what’s underneath.
Our newest hurdle to overcome is empathy. My daughter becomes very jealous when someone asks me, not her, how I’m doing or gives me a card or gift, and not her. Up until now she has always been the one who came first, the one people catered to. I’m sure though this too she will eventually accept. Changes don’t come easy to her. Changes may have slowed us down but they never stopped us from moving ahead.
My daughter’s obsession is Disney princesses. As we make our way around our newest detour I’m beginning to understand more why the obsession. First, Disney princesses are always predictable. Second, they always make it through in the end. She knows her princesses and her princess parties will always be there. It doesn’t matter if she’s facing good days or bad they will always be consistent.
As I make my way through this cancer battle I myself have become connected to one of these princesses. It’s hard to imagine that a grown woman is relating to a make believe princess to make it through some days. My princess is Princess Anna (now Queen Anna) from the movie Frozen. Anna symbolizes a woman of courage that believes in hope, optimism, and doing the next right thing. These are the beliefs enabling me to keep moving forward.
Never doubt your child’s interests. Embrace them. Understand why that’s their focus. Take the happiness they gain from it and carry it with you. Learn how they keep moving forward. You never know when you’ll be needing to do the next right thing.